Silent Lamentations and Thoughts of a Statue

I AM SO DANG SLEEPY

Wed, 23 Dec 2009 09:28:14 GMT

*Watching Dr. Who is so fun :D I'm sad to see the nineth doctor go away AGAIN, but also glad to start David Tennant times >.<

*The Vine has yummy food that actually DIDN'T hurt my tummy today :D

* Apparently, in a car, I can get to work in like 10-15 minutes versus the 50-60 minutes it takes in a bus. Go cars! (Also, thanks for the ride, Rach)

*Working holiday hours at food ave is a pain. I had to close and at first it was really busy, then it was not busy at all, then I had a lunch, and then it was busy again. I didn't get to leave until a 45 minutes after I was scheduled. It's weird getting used to closing again. I had to run to make it to the bus, which luckily stopped for me. 'cause it was the last one of the night. Then I waited for the lightrail which never came, and then I walked home.

*I'm excited to see my family for Christmas and to give out the secret santa presents. then Devin and I are going to see his mom and sister and do christmassy things there.

ANYWAY, I'm tired. TIREDDDD

memey thing that only betsy will do

Tue, 22 Dec 2009 05:35:03 GMT

Leave me a comment saying "Meme!" and I'll...
1. Tell you why I friended you.
2. Associate you with something - fandom, song, color, photo, word, ETC.
3. Tell you something I like about you.
4. Tell you a memory I have of you.
5. Ask something I've always wanted to know about you.
6. Tell you my favorite user pic of yours.
7. In return, you must post this in your LJ.

sup, live journal kick

Mon, 21 Dec 2009 03:46:08 GMT

So today was my official return to Target. I only worked 12-5, so it wasn't terrible. Kerry and Kimberly were there for most of the time, so it was pretty entertaining. Apparently nobody knew how to clean the smoothie machine in the two months virginia was gone, up until last week. She trained me before I left, but that didn't really help anyone! Anyway, part of cleaning the machine is dismantling it and after the parts are clean you put them back together and a little circle thingy has to be lubed up. Yes, with a tube of lube.

LUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUBE

Also, I have to get up at SIX IN THE DANG MORNING D: D: D: D: D:
because I was mis-scheduled out of my availability. I might not make it. We shall see. I took sleeping pills, though, which should kick in any time now. I hope >.<

In other news....

I got an 'A' in Chaucer class which puts me at a 3.60 cum. GPA, so I'm a Magna Cum Laude so long as my belly dance grade doesn't decrease the average once it's posted. Tomorrow is the last day to post grades, so I guess I'll know then. *fingers crossed*

BTW, I did not have strep OR H1N1 flu, so the cause of the Tonsillitis is UNKNOWN, but I'm drinking crap-nasty tea and other fluids to keep my throat from choking me out.

also, for those two of you who sleep on my floor occasionally, the air mattress is full 'cause we got a pump. AND it's pretty sweet. How ritzy are we? The answer is very.

I'm off to try and sleep. eff getting up early. right in the face.

Last Updated 79 weeks ago

Sun, 20 Dec 2009 03:20:38 GMT

SHEESH, that's a long time.

So what's been going on in my little old life?

WELL, you're in for a hell of a recap:

2009:

I rickrolled my belly dance final with Betsy and Maura, and discovered I like to drink Strong Bow hard cider but pear cider from the Stray Cat is really good too. I need to stay the heck away from tequila because when I drink it I black out and karate chop hamburgers and call Jeff a ginger instead of saying his actual name.

I got an apartment with Devin where all the utilities are included but one day you no longer have air conditioning because it's winter even though it's still 100 degrees outside. Now we have four fans, too. We got an air mattress for when our friends sleep over, but it is not blown up yet. We had a cat but he peed on things so Betsy's family was pretty awesome and took him so he doesn't have to live outside.

I've got pretty good grades in my last fall semester of undergraduate times. I'm worried about the GRE next semester.

I didn't have to work at all this semester, but I'm going back to work tomorrow (ack)

My last semester is Cholla wasn't terrible. i'm damn glad to be rid of reslife, though!
------
Some bad stuff happened, too.

On March 15, 2009 my Grandpa died. It's weird 'cause he's the only grandpa I had left. I don't really count my step-grandpa on my dad's side. He and my grandma jan don't even visit us anymore. But I guess we all knew it was going to happen. I mean, he had cancer. It was really weird not to get a birthday card from him this year. He always marked his calendar for all of us and didn't really ever miss a birthday. I really wanted him to see me graduate. ASU was his favorite college football team and he always asked me how we were doing, but I never really knew. It's weird, 'cause Jessica's grandpa died in my senior year before I graduated, too. And my Uncle died before the silly Annie musical that I was in. They were all like really excited to see me do that stuff but they didn't get to see it. I don't know why I'm thinking about that. Maybe it's the holidays. Thanksgiving really didn't feel right without my grandpa leading everyone in the prayer. I miss him. I miss all of them.

My best friend was doing really well and things were going her way for once. She was about 4 weeks away from graduating her Medical Assitant class, going to adopt Haley in December and was going to have a baby boy. Shit happened and now she has to find a way to get back into school, she's living with Mary again (which is terrible), the adoption got moved til February and the little boy didn't make it. I guess sometimes a pregnancy can go full term and be perfectly fine and then in the last week something happens and the baby is born dead. He was going to be named Julian. It's weird, 'cause sometimes it's like he was never there at all. I never even got to meet him. And I go around not even thinking about it. But then I remember. You know, that's not how this was supposed to be. I was going to be there in the delivery room. And hold Jessica's hand and take pictures and he was supposed to be fine. He was fine for so long. Why can a baby go all the way to the end and just die?

It's like that Stephen Crane story, "The Open Boat" that we read in Farmer's class

"If I am going to be drowned-- if I am going to be drowned--if I am going to be drowned, why, in the name of the seven mad gods who rule the sea, was I allowed to come thus far and contemplate sand and trees? Was I brought here merely to have my nose dragged away as I was about to nibble the sacred cheese of life? It is preposterous. If this old ninny-woman, Fate, cannot do better than this, she should be deprived of the management of men's fortunes. She is an old hen who knows not her intention. If she has decided to drown me, why did she not do it in the beginning and save me all this trouble? The whole affair is absurd.... But no, she cannot mean to drown me. She dare not drown me. She cannot drown me. Not after all this work." Afterward the man might have had an impulse to shake his fist at the clouds: "Just you drown me, now, and then hear what I call you!"

yeah.

Newsy Newsy News

Tue, 10 Jun 2008 20:01:37 GMT

Let's see...

five days til two year anniverary time (wowza)
I love my Devin. ^_^
and to think that this day might have never happened.

Work

Work is gay. Every day I feel as though I'm wasting my life. I barely even cashier anymore, and to tell you the truth, I LIKE cashiering. Now I'm stuck in pooey food ave where it doesnt' matter that I pwn the hell out of my job, which I do. I don't get to talk to anyone, and I can't leave that horrid little area. It depresses me that any task I am given, I am good at and that I always do my best, but the n00bs who just started not only get paid more than I do, they get more hours, and dont' do nearly as much work. But no one even cares.

I'm afraid that I'm going to graduate college only to find that I'm still working a shitty job, still putting forth effort that is useless, and still barely making enough money to live on.

Apartment

Yeah, I highly doubt Betsy and I can even get our own apartment with the way things are going. I don't really mind if we have to spend another year at the dorm. It would probably be better for saving up. But it's a very disappointing prospect.

Summer

Not going as was expected.

haND

summer?

Wed, 21 May 2008 21:20:27 GMT

GAH! I can't believe that I'm out of my second year of school already (two A's, two B's)

I actually don't remember all the classes I signed up for next semester >.< but I'm pretty sure that I liked them.

Woo bellydancing!

Right now, I'm really worried about getting an apartment. Not so much about the having one, but getting enough money to get one. It's silly, I know...but only working about 25 hours a week for 7.64/hr plus having to, ya know, live since I'm not at my parents' house this summer is stressing me out. I'm thinking of finding a second part time job.

worried worried worried

Boo! and I gained like ten pounds, so I'm technically ten pounds over weight. so now I"m on a diet. no sweets, no eating between meals, yadda yadda. gay. and my blasted boobs got bigger so now my bras don't fit! eff these ( * ) ( * )

heh internet boobies

in other news.....

omg brittany is graduating and going to asu! she got three scholarships (wood scholar like me) and her grad party is saturday. woo hoo sistah!

anywho...I've been basically working and staying at Devin's house. being broke and the like.

hAND

Been a while, eh?

Tue, 06 May 2008 01:19:43 GMT

apparently it's been about three months, so let's ramble, shall we?

Today I officially finished Italian for the rest of my life. and even after that. Which is basically very good and wonderful.

I also finished my oral traditions class. Woo.

Tomorrow I finish American lit and my world religion class. Yayuh.

GAH but moving out is no fun. Betsy and Rachel are gone now. :( no one even likes no good roommies being left. I HATE MOVING!

There is a mini bottle of jack on my desk from debi. btw, it is Debi's bday today. so happy birthday to her :D

in other news..........

Devin and I are happy and shiz, which rocks my face right off. Our two year anniversary is coming up in june (eep). I sure hope everything goes well. 'cause no one even likes people falling apart.

my mom called me a fatty for being 146 lbs. what a douche.

my sister got the same scholarship as I did (yay wood scholars) and is giving a senior speech. BOOYAH

jessica and haley spent the weekend w devin and me and we had sooo much fun. fyi, people, don't pour water on me whilst I sleep. I get darn grumpy.

No one ever wants to play dice with me!

Work is going alright. I basically pwn the heck out of food ave. on friday I'm starting my first full time shifts. O noes!

i want an apartment, dangit.

that is all

seven

Thu, 07 Feb 2008 06:20:38 GMT

A. List seven habits/quirks/facts about yourself.
B. Tag seven people to do the same.
C. Do not tag the person who tagged you or say that you tag "whoever wants to do it."

1.) I spend most class periods doodling and writing stream of consciousness on random pages of my notebook

2.) When I'm working I sing songs from disney movies and across the universe

3.) it's hard for me to sleep without holding the open hand of my pillow case because I like how it feels on my hand.

4.) I'm not sure who I am, and I think it's because I'm finding it out.

5.) I have an extensive collection of lingerie and socks. Undergarments are absolutely wonderful!

6.) My tattoo means more to me than I can express and am willing to tell people.

7.) I refuse to revise my past poetry, even if it isn't the best, because I believe it destroys the moment it was composed in.

I don't know who even reads my journal

so......devin, do it.

I'm buddha

Tue, 20 Nov 2007 06:39:12 GMT

So there's a show on VH1 called I love New York, or some such nonsense. And there's an angry bald, black fellow by the nickname of Buddha and he likes smacking around bitchy men. Then there's Tailor Made who is a bitchy man. And New York is a crazy ho.

Betsy and I posed as Buddha and New York. photoshopping ensues. yay and stuff

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ in other news _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _and stuff_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

today was my cashier training at Target. I'm a good casheri :D and I passed the alcohol quiz on my first try. woo! It was fun. I like working at Target. O! and I got to pick up two extra shifts so on my firs pay check I should have 27.5 hours :)

:( but devin was gonna come over. and he doesn't want to anymore 'cause of the savannah thing. and he hasn't been over in a while and that makes me sad.

he says he'll come over. but yeah. anyway.

on a better note.........Thanksgiving is so soon, and this means pie.

Pie, and pie thievery. two of the best things in life.

eff yes

haND

Tender lumplings everywhere no one looks good without some hair

Thu, 01 Nov 2007 16:59:00 GMT

O. Man.

Halloween was amazing!

FIRST Betsy and I got up early and put little bags of candy at every room door in our hall. Then we got dressed up (She was Terry from Reno 911 and I was a bumble bee). After that, we went to circle K for an energy drink.

Then, after Betsy and Rachul went to class at 9ish, I played Guitar Hero III and pwnd Tom Morello's face off. (For those who do not know this yet, Guitar Hero III is amazing and will eat your life. Also, Tom Morello is a douche face)

Not that many people were dressed up during the day (laaaaaaaame), but a penguin asked if he could bee my friend, and we saw a jolly green giant and a boy in my lit class was dressed as a priest with a teeny bopper magazine in his bible and said his costume was a sex offender!

I was so worried 'cause I hadn't posted yet for my american lit class, so my post was like four days late, but Prof. Horan read mine to the class and liked it and I was relieved.

Rachul and Betsy kept making bee jokes, and it was a good time.

So....then the Twins had to do the blasted italian presentation and our crazy ho teacher kept talking about skating, and we got what she was saying, but she kept repeating it so we thought maybe we didn't get what she was saying, and I told her I don't even speak italian.

'cause I don't. 'cause Italians are crazy hos, not good teachers.

ANYWAY.

We went to Rachul's house and trick or treated and some people said we were too old, but we all had snarky retorts. yay.

O! and one house was made to look like a monster house and there were THREE fog machines in it and the fog was everywhere and it was so neat. Also, there was a baby giraffe, and it was the best thing ever.

I got lots of candy AND playdough.

heck yes.

Betsyface and I went on Mill after we all got back from eating aaand there were amazing costumes. One guy went as a gigantic penis. And there was V and a lot of dumb skanky girls. gross. but lots of the costumes were just great.

After Mill, we went to the dorm and I went to devin's at like one. :( he didn't get a good halloween. he was moving and cleaning. HOWEVER, next year I promised he'd have a good one.

yay halloweeeeeeeen

hAND

I'm mr. clean

Sun, 28 Oct 2007 03:30:26 GMT

last night was the final home game for skyline football, which means no more watching the band for me. (unless my brother actually stays in it).

Brit and i went to peter piper for the last time and we had adventures with the kid from wishbone and a blind girl. it was great fun and we took lots of pictures.

i fell asleep around midnight. i was soo tired

six thirtyish this morning i was woken up bright and early by my friend jessica. so around 9:30 my mom took me over to her apartment and from then til 6 pm we were cleaning. scrubbing floors, bleaching, mopping, sweeping, picking up trash, moving things, taking trash out, scrubbing the walls, all sorts of stuff. my back hurts soo soo much. gah.

devin and i were phone fighting the whole time. it was quite stressful and GRRR inciting.

then i came back to my dorm where i discovered i have way too much homework to be able to help him move tomorrow. and yeah.

i'm here alone, too. which is peaceful and creepy. what fun.

my brain hurts.

:(

haND

MRI??

Sat, 27 Oct 2007 00:32:09 GMT

So, right after my freshman year of college ended I hurt my foot by being a jackass.

RECAP

Devin and I were waiting for the bus after seeing a movie, and we could take either the southern bus or the broadway bus, but i opted for southern because there were bugs crawling around the bus stop and I have an extreme fear and loathing of such things. THEN I saw a roach on our walk to his house and fell off the sidewalk standing up, so ta da. sprained foot/ankle

/RECAP

So basically my foot was jacked all summer and i had crutches/a foot brace. Once i got back to school i was supposed to be ok, but my foot and all the walking around asu/to the bus stop were not getting along. Basically, i have foot problems STILL

I got to foot doctor today and my foot was x-rayed, but the doctor couldn't see anything wrong with me, so he thinks it is a soft tissue problem

I have to get an MRI :( well, assuming my lame insurance will let me. my doctor put in a request for an mri over the summer and still never heard back. so i'm not sure. but i'm worried.

and do not want to go in a tube of radiation doom

O! i got to wear a protective apron today tho. that was kind of cool.

in other news........

jessica is moving to her neighbor's apartment, but she needs help moving. apparently she has to be out by tonight, and i had previously thought it was this weekend. she wants me to come tonight but by the time brit's last band thing is over it will be so late i doubt i could get a ride.

she said if i was a real friend i'd be there, but i dont know how to explain to her so that she gets it that i cant. it's frustrating me.

devin's family needs help on sunday too

GAH

i have too much to do

effing people

o, and I think i might be bi polar like my dad. i need to go see a psychiatrist.

:(

hAND

Statistics, Serial Killers O, and Sweeney Todd

Mon, 22 Oct 2007 03:36:03 GMT

SO, basically I completely FAILED my statistics test. The one that is the indicator of whether or not one should stay or drop the class.

SO, I dropped the class.

And now I feel like a loser. :(

However, listening to Across the Universe music and watching Sweeney Todd with Besty cheered me up.

I read some stuff on the crazy Clown Killer man. He sodomized people. o my. Pennywise the clown is based off of him somewhat.

The horses of hell washed my laundry.

I'll send all my lovin to you.

HanD

GRAWRGH

Tue, 16 Oct 2007 19:20:43 GMT

SO my computer decided to die on me. It's probably the paper on suicide I wrote that got it thinking such things.

Anywho, I have to get a new hard drive on thursday or friday which basically means creepy old dell man and losing everything that's on my computer. 'Cause I basically don't have backups. :'(

Yesterday was the worst in a while.

My dumb foot wasn't healing from foot surgery a couple weeks ago so I had to go to the doctor.

The doctor took FOREVER so I didn't get to study before my statistics test.

My mom bitched me out about wanting to live in a real apartment next year.

I basically failed my statistics test. I can do theory and calculations, I just couldn't remember the definitions I had planned on reviewing.

I cried once I got out.

I bought CD CASES when I thought I was getting a pack of CDRs. And I opened it before I realized that. So that wasted about 15 bucks.

Then I bought actual cds so I could burn windows XP to fix my computer. Which I didn't end up needing anyway.

My roommate was a bitch about Devin coming over so we slept in the living room.

I am angry. And icky. And I want to go to sleep for a long, long time.

</rant>

Today...well, we'll see....

hAND

o man

Mon, 15 Oct 2007 07:49:03 GMT

It's already been two weeks since I posted. I get on weird journal kicks.

I need to pick out three pages of poetry to turn in for a contest. I think I'm turning in Market Research, Polka Dot Smile and Moment After Moment.

I wonder if the readers will like my stuff. At least more people would see it :)

Gosh. I miss Devin. Our Anniversary is on Wednesday. woohoo

I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow at one :(

no one even LIKES going to the doctor.

i ought to go to sleep, so I shall.

goodnight

hAND

Nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh BATMAN

Thu, 27 Sep 2007 19:29:18 GMT

SO this morning I had my first test in Death and Dying in a Cross Cultural Perspective. BUT I had neglected to do most of my studying until this morning due to watching RESIDENT EVIL:EXTINCTION (which you should ALL see). So I was freeeeeaked out. Especially 'cause I'm retarded and didn't buy bluebooks until this morning either. Poo on me. But I think I did ok on the questions she asked. So, good. I think. She gave us a piece of candy after we had the test. It was nice of her, but kinda weird.

Now I'm waiting for Italian to begin to I can read my beliefs in a circle. Woo. I guess.

I am sooo tired. And I do not feel well. I want to watch Heroes.

Growl

haND

what's the story, wishbone?

Sat, 22 Sep 2007 06:16:55 GMT

So, today I went to the doctor (ew) and I have to get stupid toe surgery AGAIN on Monday. so, I have to miss all my classes except for Statistics (I have a test). Poo. :(

and GROSS I have to get a pap smear in a few months. No one even likes health if it involves probey things

So today I went to brit's band carnival and I guess when I told her about the raffle tickets I said besty was going to get some, but then we forgot about it and I gave her like 15 bucks for tickets, but she put some in betsy's name lol so she won red lobster something? I had to sign her name (don't get me arrested, betsy)[to betsy] but I'm totally going to make you get me dinner :P. O, and I stole some pirate bubbles for you

[/ to besty]

I got a free glowy necklace from a kid who looks like Joe from Wishbone. huzzah. O and I saw little jeter yaaaay she picked me up from behind. it was alarming

we discussed the junk in manny's trunk lol

I'm sooo tired but every time I fall asleep at my house I get bug bites. and that is just gay

tomorrow I'm going to visit my grandpa

cancer is basically gay

hANd

I wonder

Tue, 18 Sep 2007 19:16:27 GMT

Yesterday was Devin and my 1 yr. and 3 month anniversary. He actually can do somewhat of a squeal of delight. Who knew? We went to applebees and I wanted spaghetti so I ordered off the kid's menu (for some reason, they don't think grown ups like spaghetti) And what did I get? PENNE!!!! No one even likes penne when they want some spaghetti, yo. Then he and I were going to see a movie, but that didn't quite work out.

I found out my grandpa has cancer throughout his spine and thoracic region. It's far along and if he did radiation therapy, it really wouldn't do any good. So I was really, really upset and instead of going out we got smoothies and watched stand up comedy and he hugged me a lot.

He's good at hugs.

Right now my grandpa isn't in any pain from it...they hadn't even expected to find such a thing. I don't want him to die in lots of pain. He doesn't deserve that. I wonder if cancer hurts or if you can feel it in there after a while.

Today in death and dying we watched a movie about near death experiences, and worldwide there seems to be a same pattern of life after death. I like that. The people talked about how it isn't about anything big you do or what you believed, but the little acts of kindness and love that you might not even remember that really matter. They all said they were surrounded by love. I would like that to be true.

Wouldn't you?

haND

Yippity doo dah

Sun, 16 Sep 2007 19:12:15 GMT

Yesterday I actually DID stuff. All day. Woke up around nine (on a Saturday, that is basically amazingness) and got my laundry done. I got to school around 12ish. Betsy and I went to the Dark Side so she could get her lip sorted out. We had burger king, we dollar stored it up we __________________________________________________- ooohh, tess of the d'urbervilles right there :D aaand we decorated our door.

THEN I got homework done and we decided we needed some ac dec boys. But for some reason the fates were like, bitch, please and they were all at home (boo). SO instead of just watching a movie (like always) we tarted it up and walked around Mill. HUZZAH! She got hair dye at fascinations and I got a super spiffy fishnet top. HOT DAMN! And then we went to chilis where it was decided I am a butch and she is mah bitch.

O, yes: we took AMAZING pictures of ourselves. they basically pwn

AND I get to see joshy today woo hooo

haND

"Suckin too hard on your lollipop o love's gonna get you down"

Fri, 14 Sep 2007 22:54:39 GMT

Mika is basically the best.

So, it's friday. FINALLY. This week of school has been driving me crazy. My italian teacher doesn't teach me anything (or anyone else, for that matter). I think that class is just going to suck for the rest of the semester. Perhaps I'll get over it. We'll see. I'm enjoying statistics still(who would've thought?) and that class is going alright. I actually did my American lit. reading so I will actually do my post correctly this time. AND I get my paper back on monday with my grade (eeep). This weekend Rachul and Betsy and I get to see Rocky Horror at Chandler Cinemas (yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay)

I am sooo excited. I wish Devin didn't have to work :( but when he has a saturday off I'll make sure we go see it together :D

Devin got his blood test results back and his tryglycerides are down from the thousands into about 500 range. It's still bad, but waaaay better. thank goodness.

on a related note......yams are disgusting. never eat them. EVER

haND

Many happy returns, poo bear

Tue, 11 Sep 2007 05:44:06 GMT

Alas, I left you an angsty teen and have come back...still angsty but now in college. apparently it's been 64 weeks since last I posted. wowza. I'd catch up on all I've done since then...but I don't quite remember and it probably wasn't too great.

Important details:

I graduated high school (even made a senior speech. which for me is aaahhh talking)

I started dating Devin (the boy who broke my heart...but fixed it)

I started college (and am not so bad at it)

My dad got sick again my first semester and that was a horrid crazy time

My best friend was raped

I actually worked. The Renn faire is basically slave labor. but you get free food.

I resolved never to work there again and promptly changed my mind.

Now.....

I'm a sophomore. I live in cholla with betsy and rachul and savannah (she's a crazy panda). I do dishes and make dinner. Quarters are amazing. Devin stole my bus pass. My italian teacher is crazy and her bladder is why the homework is never posted til the last minute. I'm not as stupid at statistics as I thought. American Lit is actually American History. Dr. D is a crazy hippy man like Wordsworth. You can rent a coffin when you die.

I'll try this journal thing again.

I wrote this poem today instead of paying attention in class (ah, like always). It was bursting from my braaaaaaains

I wouldn't trade this moment for all the world
I'm your bedtime girl

When we're lonely
Hold me tight--I'll hold you close
Honey, I'm your bedtime host

Softly writhing near and near
I'll whisper hot across your ear
Scrape your cheek across my neck
Lover, it's not bedtime yet

Should we die before we're done
with flitting 'round REM sleep
Let us have some bedtime fun
'Cause I am me and you're the one

Straddle sweet and grasping near
All the silent hall can hear
Shy boys and girls thrive in love
As hearts and hormones whirl
Lover, I'm your bedtime girl

Skew the sheet and rip your clothes
Nip my hip and kiss your nose
Such ecstasy no one knows
Tumble up and down and still
It's all and not enough

Wrap around kisses sweet and sour
Time to sleep in armlinked fence
At the end of witching hours--drift away together
Loving in a loveless world
Where our fingers clasp and curl
I'm your bedtime girl--darling I'm your bedtime girl

numb to pins and needles to owie owie owie

Wed, 14 Jun 2006 02:24:58 GMT

You Are Lightning

Beautiful yet dangerous

People will stop and watch you when you appear

Even though you're capable of random violence

You are best known for: your power

Your dominant state: performing

What Type of Weather Are You?

So, basically my jaw hurts. Yep. 8 sealents. 1 re-fixed filling. About an hour of mouth "wide open" with gloves and dental intruments and cotton dealies shoved in there. Owie.

But I just finished reading Violin by Anne Rice. Wonderful book. It's what music is about.

hANd

"We're standing on top of our hopes and our fears"

Tue, 30 May 2006 09:21:43 GMT

So Saturday was my graduation party dealie with Tasha. Aaaand so I went with mah mom and my aunts annette, debbie, and janet, my cousin Tasha, and my mom and I decoramated it up. But we're all short, so the decorations were rather low on the wall. Still looked kewl (yes, I typed it that way).

Aynd so I kept getting beat up by balloons, which I later found out represented a stagnant future that eventually goes uppish.

So we got Jessica at three twennyish, and my mom was all bein' a jerk to me whilst we went down Jessica's street saying that she's not waiting in the car while Jessica gets dolled up and she'll drive away yadda yadda. she said it like 5 times in the few minutes it took to go down the street to her house. It was irritating.

Anyways, so we get there and stuff, and I didn't know half the dang people there, 'cause they're from New Mexico and I met them when I was a wee baby whose face was so chunky that my eyes didn't open a lot anyways. And I'm not good at that social interaction thing.

And Devin came. with his soo soo cute nieces. And then my mom launched a camera attack. T'was frightening indeed. I think my family has an unhealthy pre-occupation with film. The sound of winding disposable cameras is still haunting me.

I'm allowed to be over-dramatic.

So in the end, I got to see lots of family, eat some really good food, and accumulated $350.
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Yesterday (I think) I got a new phone. It has an antenna. It charges. It works. and it takes picamatures.

But yesterday was a crappy day. I don't quite know why, but it was.
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Today was an iffy day. Well, it started out that way. Then Devin woke me up from being asleeping (gosh) and we talked on the phone til mine went ka dead (and my dad made fun of me for that) and it wasn't iffy anymores. It was smiley tombstonilicious. 'Cause even the jig is soo there, I am in love with that boy.
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yep. like whoa.
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hand

So...the world ended.

Fri, 26 May 2006 09:34:57 GMT

But I'm still here. How can I still be here when everything is now gonna be so different? I was talking to Jack when everyone was inside and he asked me, "so what now?" And I honestly don't know. I mean, yeah, I'm going to go on with life, and yeah, I'm going to keep going to school come August 21st....but that's college.

High school is over. over. I'm growing up. ME. Come July I'll be a legal adult. That little green cover with the wee piece of paper in it is just permission for them to kick me into this alleged real world, written in Old English font.

Even tho I am aware that I can't stay a high school student forever..it's just odd to think of how different everything is going to be. I can feel that creeping feeling where I know it's gonna hit me hard and leave me in a state of something...perhaps emptiness, confusedness, boredom, aaahhh, or a combination of sorts.

I think at some point I moved into the state of confusion.

And the dating badgering thing isn't helping my confusion. It's slightly irksome, entirely random, and it's awkward to have people tell me what to do about loving someone. *sigh* I have the feeling I'm making no sense to anyone but myself right now.

hand

Pardon the lateness, but the world is ending

Wed, 24 May 2006 20:50:11 GMT

So yesterday was supposed to be my dr. appt. at the Southwest Behavioral Services place, 'cause I am tired of being sad all the time. No es bueno. I figure seeing a psychiatristy person is a good way to go about fixing that, ya know?

Well, we get there at four thirty (my appt. was set at five) and the receptionist lady tells us that we're two hours early. Apparently, they tell you to come an hour earlier than your appointment already so you can do paperwork. Well, that really pissed my mom off and she went on one of her crazy things. And then the lady said we need my ACHCCS id and her driver's lisence and my birth certificate. We only had two of the three. Yes, my unbirth strikes again. I was kinda put out, 'cause I wanted this appointment, but since my birth certificate is allegedly in the mail, I figured hey, we'll reschedule it then. And so I said we should go since there was no point in being there.

No such luck.

My mom FREAKED on the lady, and proceeded to tell her that she was lying and that it was ridiculous to ask for yadda yadda and they were arguing and it sucked. So then when we finally DID leave, my mom looked at her and said "you're a very rude lady" and then left. THEN she proceeded to tell me I don't need those kind of people in my life (what?) and that if the receptionist was like that then the doctors must be worse (WTF) and I don't need an appointment anyways because I'm fine. I've got people that love me so there's nothing wrong. GRRR then she said I can make an appointment when I'm 18 if I want one. She thinks I just want to go because I "have questions" 'cause of all the mental illness that runs on both sides of the family. I hate that she won't just admit that there is something wrong. When she gets mad, o, then she says all I am is a stupid depressed teenager that hates the world, and then she makes fun of me for wearing black and "mourning the world" and allll that. O yeah, there's plenty wrong with me when she's mad, but when I try to fix it, o then I'm just fucking dandy, am I? *sigh* it's rather frustrating. But Devin said he'll impersonate a father-like figure and take me. Even tho we'd come off as incestuous. 'cause he can't keep me off that. lol I love that weird, weird boy.

Anyways, that was my upsetting afterschool of yesterday. But earlier Devin came to visit and so that was cool. And I got a Devin Mix 2, and the RHPS soundtrack. Yay.

Today..hmm..well I saw Josh and we were in line for breakfast for the last time together, and I hung out with Jack, Jenny, Max, Dannielle, and Jessica for the last time in the cafeteria. It's weird to think that Skyline won't be giving me free poptarts anymore.

And in 1st hour Jessica and I totally rocked out and then got teary 'cause it was our last class together V_V but we're stand partners for life!!!

I am damn sure I failed that math test.

Aaand I am going to miss English class very, very much. I gave Sorensizzle a hug and told him that.

wow...it's over...

hANd